Parent Survivor Tools Demo: Powerful Parent Tools that Teach Self Discipline to Children Update your parent toolbox with tools that teach children to take responsibility for their actions. Kelly Pfeiffer, local parenting instructor will lead an interactive workshop for parents.  Sample simple tools that help children learn from mistakes, improve behavior and become more responsible. What Skills Do Children Need? Misbehavior is truly a lack of skills. Think of a misbehavior. What would you like for your child to do instead? What skills would your child need to succeed at the replacement behavior? Tool #1: Accept the Imperfect Reality – View Mistakes as Learning Opportunities, Mistakes are a Valuable Part of the Learning Process What messages, either direct or indirect did you receive as a child about you about mistakes? In order to help children learn skills, we must accept where are children are and what small step they need to take (or skill to learn) to move forward in their learning and maturity. The challenges of parenting are the wonderful opportunities to teach skills to children. Tool #2: Change Punishment to Responsibility Actions (Active Discipline) In order to teach children cause and effect, we must help them clean up their mistakes in ways that demonstrate cause and effect. The best tools to help children connect cause and effect are Natural Consequences – Mother Nature, Father Time, Laws of Physics Logical Consequences – Related, Respectful, Reasonable Solutions – Child answers the following questions as well as follows through with actions. What happened? What caused it to happen? What can I do about it? (to make up for it, make it better, etc.) How can I prevent it from happening? Restitution– How can I pay the person back in some way. Tool #3: Use Effective Language: Do, What & How Questions Do vs. Don’t – Use language that focuses on what you want the child to do or be able to do instead of what you don’t want. Limited Choices – After mastering the parenting skill of focusing on “Do’s”, move on to offer two limited choices. The Keys to Offering Limited Choices are… Both choices must be Acceptable to You Respectful to the Child What & How Questions Instead of Why questions Ask questions that start with What…? Or How…? What will we eat on if you don’t set the table? How much time do you need to get ready to go with us? We’re leaving at 6 o’clock, so what time do you need to start getting ready? What will happen if you don’t turn in your homework? What will help you find your shoes in the morning? How much time do you think you need to study to get a B on the test? How much time do you think you need to study to get an A on the test? Tool #4: Gradually Hand Over Real Life Our culture pampers children. In order to become capable adults, children need to become responsible for as much of their self-care as possible. Also children need to have opportunities to contribute to others. A simple way to accomplish both life tasks is for children to have family chores – some chores that teach self-care skills and some chores that teach family contribution skills. Real Life Opportunities for Learning and Building Skills Family Meals- children can help cook, set the table, help clean up the meal. Laundry – children can place clothes in a hamper, take clothes to the laundry room, sort laundry, put away laundry, fold laundry, learn to operate the washer and drier, be responsible for washing sports uniforms. Cleaning Tasks – children can vacuum, dust, wipe down appliances, wash cars, vacuum cars, clean media screens, take out trash and recyclables, etc. Note: If you “think” your children have too much homework and/or are in too many activities to learn real life skills, think about what activities can be cut back to allow time for children to learn and apply real life skills.